The members of the fellowship busied themselves with preparations for the inevitable conflict. Gandalf worked with a quiet intensity as he tuned his 1973 Les Paul Standard to open C tuning, a tuning reserved almost exclusively for wizards and mad men. As he did so he calmly instructed the fellowship, “The band coming toward us is almost certainly comprised of goblins. But from the depth of the harmony and the volume of that kick drum, it is entirely possible that they have an troll with them as well. This will not be an easy battle, but if you each remember your jobs, we should be fine.” The comment was directed almost entirely at the four hobbits, who had plenty of experience playing in the Green Goblin, but for whom battle music was an almost entirely foreign concept.

The rest of the fellowship were unloading their gear a well. Legolas powered on his beautifully crafted keytar and played a series of notes for Boromir and Gimili to tune to. It was said that Legolas’ keytar was crafted by the master craftsman and queen of elves, Galadriel, and that one time Legolas had kissed her back in high school. Boromir boasted a vintage Martin D18 acoustic guitar, obviously a child born into some money. Gimili sported a slightly more modest, but nonetheless bold, 1962 Hofner 500/1 Electric Bass. It was an uncharacteristic instrument for a dwarf, who usually tended toward more overly heavy metal guitars and basses. When he had a few drinks in him he would start to swear that Paul McCartney had once played the bass, a fact that few would question, but still fewer would believe.

Aragorn, unsheathed his epic 1957 startburst stratocaster. Everyone was jealous. Even Boromir was, though he pretended not to be. What a guitar.

The hobbits, pulled out their instruments as well. Sam played a snare, kick, and high hat drum kit. He began to set his kit as best he could on the uneven ground of the cavern. Frodo nervously tightened the pegs on his bongos while Merry tuned his fiddle, trying his best to play along with Legolas’ true notes. Finally Pippin, unsheathed his mandolin. It was a stupid mandolin. Really shabby stuff.

All the while, the ska music grew louder and more obnoxious. As the din grew closer, it became clear that there was in fact a lead singer at the head of the band. His vocals were the worst. He was a middling tenor with the poor pitch control typical of a goblin…But it was the unrelenting full tone vibrato that swing wildly on and off key that really made this particular performance extra harrowing for everyone involved. “What kind of creature would make a noise like the voluntarily?” Merry asked the others. None responded. They were too busy actively forgetting the situation so as to ward off the nearly unavoidable brain damage caused by prolonged exposure to such terrible, awful music.

The goblin band was nearly upon them and it became clear that the goblin was singing words. There were lyrics to this song. To make matters only slightly worse, the words made absolutely no sense–none whatsoever.

The goblin howled the words. Its was impossible to tell whether this horrible mishmash of common sayings was a ska standard of some sort or if the goblins composed the verses themselves, fueled by an embarrassingly incomplete knowledge of the common tongue. Both possibilities seemed equally likely.

Just as the goblin finished his song with the paradoxically phrased expression “I love your hate to feel my love, my love,” holding the last note for a long enough time for Sam to clear a wedgie not only from both his own buttocks, but also the butt of Mr. Frodo. Sam was really considerate all the time.

But there was no time for wedgies, swirlies, punch buggies, or noogies for the goblin band now stood before the fellowship, breathing harshly and basking in the glow of imagined applause. Their smiles turned from mirthful to sinister as the goblins took in the sight of the small band. The foul creatures outnumber our heroes nearly three to one and they think foolishly that they have the advantage.

For one perfect second everyone is frozen, aware of the chaos about to ensue.

Gandalf breaks the silence by plucking a single chord out of of his Les Paul. It’s in the kingly key of Eb. Clearly, he has come to rock.

This is a short clip of from a fictional book entitled “Lord of the Rings and Also Skateboards” that I will write one day, maybe:

A deep rumble was suddenly emitted from the depths. The fellowship tensed at once and listened, breaths bated. The sound grew in volume and slowly became clearer. A pattern emerged. The sound was carrying a slow 4/4 beat.

“We’re not alone.” Pippen said, stating the obvious.

As it grew closer it became clear that the sound was emanating from a kick drum. A huge kick drum. Out of the depths rose another sound. This one was more distinct, more familiar. It played one bar before Gimili cried out, “That’s an electric guitar! The instrument of my brethren! They’re offering us a princely welcome to the Mines of Moria!”

The hobbits let out a collective sigh as Gimili beamed. But Gandalf did not smile. And Aragorn did not smile. Legolas was handsome, but also not smiling. Something was most definitely up.

A few more bars of melodic electric guitar washed over the fellowship, echoing through the caverns as if coming from nowhere and everywhere. It surrounded them. Just as the guitar fell into a few well selected powerchords, a horn began to play. Quietly at first, but growing in intensity.

“A trumpet.” Aragron breathed, looking sidelong at Gandalf.

“Yes.” The wizard whispered, eyes closed, consuming the music.

“What?” Cried Gimli “Surely not! None of my people would disgrace a song with the sounds of a poorly formed brass machination. It must be a bass guitar with distortion. Or maybe a well tuned synth. It cannot be a trumpet.”

“That’s no synth.” Said Legolas, handsomely glancing between the steely faces or Aragorn and Gandalf.

Boromir finally lost his patience and said, “What in the devil is it, then?!”

As if in response, the music stopped. But only for the most fractional of seconds. The invisible drummer, now utilizing his full kit, reeled off a tasty fill to kick off a new jam. The music was still in 4/4, but the emphasis was now on the unholy 2nd and 4th beats. The lone horn was joined by an entire middle school worth of amatuer saxaphones, trombones, euphoniums, and even tubas.

At the sound of the new music Gandalf’s nostrils flared to unsafe levels. Aragorn’s eyes swelled to the size of golf balls and Borimir looked about wildly, nervously fingering the acoustic guitar strapped to his back. Finally, Gandalf’s thunderous voice boomed out, “It’s Ska!”

So, Bryan Lee O’Malley posted a contest on tumblr to make some Ramona Flowers artwork. The piece was specifically to have an outfit that wasn’t shown in any of the books/movie but is still true to Ramona’s style. Above is my contribution.

Check out the Deviant Art link.

Hello, all!

I hope the holiday season has been treating you all well. I trust that your halls were properly decked with bountiful holly, that your dreidels were formed of fine quality clays, and that your Kwanzaa were lit with zeal.

I wanted to give you an update on what has been going on since I stopped making the comic. Aside from participating in real life stuff (work, school, rewatching Lord of the Rings, etc.), I’ve started work on a novel. I’m not going to be too forthcoming with details yet, as it’s still in its infancy, but I will say that it’s a Western thriller about kidnapping, shenanigans, betrayal, gunfighting, and possibly even the barest twinges of romance. As a sneak peak I wanted to show you guys a little snippet of dialogue I wrote for it:

     “So, what are you planning to do about the town leaders voting to have me killed for no reason?” asked Slip.

“Hold on there. They were hanging you for a very real reason. A girl was stolen away. She could have been any one of their daughters, sisters, or mothers. She might as well have been in a town as intimate as this one.”

“Yes, but I didn’t take her. I tried to stop her from being kidnapped.”

“You were her guardian and you failed her.” The marshall looked intently at Slip, “And what’s worse, you made the choice to give up the chase. You not only weren’t able to save her with your bravery and skill–a failing that any man could overlook–you made a conscious decision to let her go. That is what emboldened these people. And do you want to know the reason why?”

Slip stared at him in silence, his expression blank. Marshall Hawthorne continued, “You made the sensible choice. You made a decision that everyone of these people wished that they wouldn’t have made. Each of them knows deep down that you were in the right, but they don’t want to admit it. They thrive on knowing that heroism is what’s required sometimes to live out here in the dust.

“So when some cowboy gunslinger says that he’ll protect a little girl and he doesn’t die trying, he’s as good as a villain. In fact that that’s exactly what you became to these people. Helpless to save that girl, and without recourse or target for their anger, these folks turned to you to be the antagonist. You see, Slip, people crave stories. They need a hero they can root for, a villain they can sneer, and a struggle they can rally behind. That’s the way we all experience the world and its the way we all think. We are brought up on fairy tales and morality plays, and then we seek to find them in every part of our lives. And because you didn’t behave like a hero would, they categorized you as a pragmatist, the worst sort of villain.

 

So that’s cooking on the proverbial stove. In addition, I have done a bit of drawing, but nothing much worth posting. I did make this guy:

I posted it on my deviant art page, which you can also check out if you’re interested. The stuff I post there, I also post here, so have no fear, you haven’t been missing anything. But feel free to pop over there if you’re keen to have a quick jaunt down memory lane.

Anyway, that’s what’s up. I’m going to keep working on the novel and I’ll keep updating with more stuff as it comes.

Hey there friendly person,

I’ve been creating F&I for over two years now and in that time I’ve learned a lot about the art of comic creation and writing. I’ve had a lot of fun making making the comics and running the website. I’ve gotten positive feedback from many people who deeply enjoyed reading along twice a week. It has been a fantastic ride so far.

But, comic creation is a pretty lengthy process that eats up a lot of my time and energy. That’s time and energy that I don’t have for other creative pursuits. I think I’d like to explore some other outlets and methods of creation so I’m going to take a break from making the comic.

I’m not really sure what will come out of this. I might want to draw another strip, I might just start focusing solely on art, I may try and get into podcasting or video creation, I may even write a book…I really don’t know. I’m still trying to figure out what will come next, but I’m excited to find out. And for those of you who have supported my work so far and are interested to see what’s next, you can be sure that I’ll post more info here on the site (you can use the RSS if you’re into that sort of thing) and though twitter and facebook.

This is a decision that’s hard for me to make and I’d like to reiterate how incredibly grateful I feel to have had so much support along the way.

Thank you all,

Tom